Car Pool

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Car Pool” by Rosel George Brown, published in If Worlds of Science Fiction in 1959.

Gutenberg Link

Car Pool

SPOILERS BELOW

“Car Pool” is about an alien being included in a car pool of human children. 4-year old human children, too young to understand the situation or to be relied on to act sensibly. One of them bites off his hand and eats it, killing him and nearly killing herself. Goddamn stupid kids.

See, stories like this are exactly why I hate it when narratives include young children. You just know that one of them is going to do something rage-inducingly stupid, and no one is going to end up getting held to account. I mean, you can’t blame the kid, ‘cause they obviously don’t know any better; but how about some consequences for the adults who put them in the situation to begin with? They should’ve realized there was no way that was going to end well; I call it a clear abrogation of duty of care. Ugh, pass.

Final Rating: 1/5

The Last Hunt

I’m gonna cast a spell on you. You’re gonna do what I want you to. Mix it up here in my little bowl. Say a few words and you’ll lose control. Let’s burn The Last Hunt, by Hannu Kesola, Ken Janssens, and Paul Moore.

Synopsis:

In un futuro distopico lontano secoli dal nostro tempo, le radiazioni hanno trasformato la Terra in un deserto arido e inospitale, costringendo gli uomini a cercare nuove strategie di sopravvivenza. Il dramma delle colonie, costrette a ritmi inusuali in luoghi sconosciuti, viene sostituito da una preoccupante possibilità: se la Terra fosse ancora abitabile? L’inquietante tomba radioattiva di sabbia vorticosa in cui il nostro pianeta è mutato, si sta sgretolando e con le lei, forse, l’unica vera possibilità di salvezza.

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

For reasons best known to themselves, Goodreads only lists the Italian edition of The Last Hunt. Sure, OK, whatever. A cargo ship breaks down while picking up a shipment from a warehouse on Earth, now a radioactive wasteland. While waiting for it to get fixed, the crew run into a team of three female scientists who ask for their assistance. However, they actually turn out to be witches who drink blood through their fingers, JoJo-style, and the ship’s crew is thrust into a fight for survival.

This book was pretty darn bad. The art was mediocre, the characters underdeveloped, the witch reveal groan-worthy (turns out the supply depot was built on the ruins of Salem, Massachusetts, because of course it was). Everything feels slightly off; like, the only way to kill the witches is with fire, which is obviously a reference to witch burning – except no one was burned at the stake in the Salem witch trials, where the accused were executed by hanging instead. Then, to take things from bad to worse, the final issue reveals that two of the witches were in a relationship with each other, meaning that their final defeat earns the book a Dead Lesbian Penalty on top of everything else.

Suffice to say, The Last Hunt did not make for an enjoyable read.

Final Rating: 1/5

A Long Way Back

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “A Long Way Back” by Ben Bova, published in Amazing Stories in 1960.

Gutenberg Link

A Long Way Back

SPOILERS BELOW

“A Long Way Back” is set after an apocalyptic war. The survivors work to send a man into space so he can repair a power-broadcasting satellite in order to restore electricity to the remnants of civilization. He succeeds, but doesn’t have enough air to make it back to Earth and dies in space.

Yeah, wasn’t really vibing with this one. It took what should have been a great endeavor, a desperate attempt by mankind to reclaim some of what it had lost in the fires of destruction, and turned it petty by making the story mostly center around the main character’s disputes with his settlement leader about the policy on exploring ruined cities.

Final Rating: 2/5

The Cronus Chronicles #1: The Shadow Thieves

Like a thief in the night, she breaks into his heart. Like a thief in the night, alright, alright. Like a thief in the night, she never leaves a mark. Like a thief in the night, alright. Let’s steal from The Shadow Thieves, by Anne Ursu.

Synopsis:

See that girl, the one with the bright red hair, overstuffed backpack, and aura of grumpiness? That’s Charlotte Mielswetzski. And something extra-ordinary is about to happen to her.

Oh, it’s not the very cute kitten that appears out of nowhere and demands to go home with her. It’s not the sudden arrival of her cousin Zee, who believes he’s the cause of a mysterious sickness that has struck his friends back in England. It’s not her creepy English teacher Mr. Metos, who takes his mythology lessons just a little too seriously. And it’s not the white-faced, yellow-eyed men in tuxedoes, who follow Charlotte everywhere.

What’s so extraordinary is not any one of these things….It’s all of them. And when Charlotte’s friends start to get sick one by one, Charlotte and Zee set out to find a cure. Their quest leads them to a not-so-mythical Underworld, where they face rhyme-loving Harpies, gods with personnel problems, and ghosts with a thirst for blood.

Charlotte and Zee learn that in a world overrun by Nightmares, Pain, and Death, the really dangerous character is a guy named Phil. And then they discover that the fate of every person — living and dead — is in their young hands.

In her dazzling debut for young readers, Anne Ursu weaves a tale of myth and adventure, danger and magic that will keep readers engrossed until the very last secret is revealed.

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

The Shadow Thieves is about a girl named Charlotte. When her cousin Zee comes to visit, children start mysteriously losing their shadows and falling into comas. It turns out to be due to a plot by a Greek demigod named Philonecron to usurp Hades as ruler of the Underworld. In order to foil the nefarious scheme and save the sick children, Charlotte and Zee must descend to the land of the dead and find a way to defeat Philonecron.

Of the several books by Anne Ursu I’ve read thus far, this was the one I enjoyed the least. While all of the books I read were aimed at younger audiences, this one felt the most “childish” to me. While I was able to find stuff to enjoy in the others despite their being aimed at younger demographics, this book was just too kiddie for me. And perhaps it’s hypocritical for me, a grown adult, to criticize a kids’ book for being written for kids; but I’ve read plenty of books aimed at younger readers that I nonetheless enjoyed (Coraline by Neil Gaiman, The Forbidden Library by Django Wexler, Bea Wolf by Zach Weinersmith, etc), so I did have some hopes that I might enjoy this one as well. Alas, it was not t be.

The Shadow Thieves might be an alright story for its intended audience; but being outside that age group, I found the writing and the characters to be too childish to interest me.

Final Rating: 2/5

The Towers of Titan

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “The Towers of Titan” by Ben Bova, published in Amazing Stories in 1952.

Gutenberg Link

The Towers of Titan

SPOILERS BELOW

In “The Towers of Titan”, an alien machine is discovered on Titan that has been functioning continuously for millions of years. A team of scientists sets out to determine its purpose, and finally figures out that it is a weapon from an ancient war, designed to subject Earth to periodic violent climate change.

I’m not gonna lie, I find the resolution a little disappointing. You’ve got this great big enigma, something most scientists have already given up on as being beyond human understanding; and then not only does it turn out to just be a weapon, but it’s not even a very good. “What better way to insure [sic] their victory than by subjecting our homeworld to violent climate changes?”, our protagonist asks. Well, I don’t know; how about hucking a big rock in our direction? Seems like that’d be more effective than the occasional inclement weather – just ask the dinosaurs. And of course there was a shoehorned romance subplot, too.

Final Rating: 2/5

Bedtime Stories for Impressionable Children

Come little children, I’ll take thee away into a land of enchantment. Come little children, the time’s come to play here in my garden of shadows. Let’s tell Bedtime Stories for Impressionable Children, by Jim Shooter, J.C. Vaughn, and James Nelms.

Synopsis:

Jim Shooter at American Mythology? You bet! The legendary comics writer joins creator-writer J.C. Vaughn (Zombie-Proof, Vampire, PA), newcomer writer-artist James Nelms, and cover artist Mark Wheatley (Breathtaker, Frankenstein Mobster) for a new take on the classic horror anthology, Bedtime Stories For Impressionable Children. American Mythology’s Year of Horror begins right here!

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

Bedtime Stories for Impressionable Children is a horror anthology with three stories: “40 Whacks”, in which the owner of a shop that carries cursed items grants an abused boy Lizzie Borden’s hatchet, which he in turn gives to his sister so she’ll murder his parents; “Flash of Inspiration”, in which some mobsters try to dispose of a troublesome kid by taking him to atom bomb test site, only for him to turn the tables by stealing their car and leaving them to get nuked; and “One of Those Mother-Daughter Things”, about a girl who says her mother is a monster and her boyfriend who doesn’t believe her until it’s too late.

This book wasn’t good. The simple black and white art wasn’t very impressive, and none of the stories were very scary or shocking or even all that interesting. While the cover says “issue #1″, the threatened issue #2 never materialized, so I can only presume that I’m not the only one who was underwhelmed; though, given it’s nature as a short story anthology, it’s not like there were any ongoing plotlines to get cut short or anything. Of the stories, I’d say they were in descending order of quality, with “40 Whacks” being the best (“best” here meaning “almost, but not quite, decent”) and “One of Those Mother-Daughter Things” being the worst (taking a long time to reach an obvious… punchline, I guess? I can’t bring myself to call it a “twist”, so clearly was it telegraphed). Needless to say, none of them left me hungry for me.

Bedtime Stories for Impressionable Children is easily forgettable.

Final Rating: 2/5

Answer, Please Answer

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Answer, Please Answer” by Ben Bova, published in Amazing Stories in 1962.

Gutenberg Link

Answer, Please Answer

SPOILERS BELOW

“Answer, Please Answer” sees scientists stationed in Antarctica during the Cold War discover a signal from an alien world. When they decipher it, it turns out that the aliens have developed atomic weapons and are sending a plea to the universe asking if anyone has figured out how to avoid destroying themselves with them. The message is terminated by the aliens wiping themselves out with a nuclear war, and the scientists fear that Earth is following the same path.

This is a chillingly bleak story – too bleak for my tastes. I retreat into fiction to escape from the miseries of reality, and prefer my stories to have happy endings.

Final Rating: 2/5

Monster

If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me? And if I seemed dangerous, would you be scared? I get the feeling just because everything I touch isn’t dark enough that this problem lies in me. Let’s turn into Monster, by A. Lee Martinez.

Synopsis:

Meet Monster. Meet Judy. Two humans who don’t like each other much, but together must fight dragons, fire-breathing felines, trolls, Inuit walrus dogs, and a crazy cat lady – for the future of the universe.

Monster runs a pest control agency. He’s overworked and has domestic troubles – like having the girlfriend from hell.

Judy works the night shift at the local Food Plus Mart. Not the most glamorous life, but Judy is happy. No one bothers her and if she has to spell things out for the night-manager every now and again, so be it.

But when Judy finds a Yeti in the freezer aisle eating all the Rocky Road, her life collides with Monster’s in a rather alarming fashion. Because Monster doesn’t catch raccoons; he catches the things that go bump in the night. Things like ogres, trolls, and dragons.

Oh, and his girlfriend from Hell? She actually is from Hell.

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

All sorts of magical creatures and beings exist, but most people are incognizant and can’t recognize or remember then. Monster Dionysius works for the Cyptobiological Containment and Rescue Service, which tasks him with capturing mythical beats that make pests of themselves – a task he’s particularly suited for, as a basilisk bite has rendered him immune to poison and a superpower that changes along with his skin color each time he sleeps. It’s usually slow work, as the amount of magic in the world has been steadily decreasing for a while. However, there’s recently been a sudden surge of cryptids appearing in the vicinity of an incognizant woman named Judy. What starts as an unassuming, if puzzling, job soon ends up spiraling to become a battle for the fate of the Universe.

This was a decent book. Monster was an interesting character, with his shifting color and powers, but his reluctance to engage with the plot of the book caused the pacing to drag a bit as he kept stubbornly refusing the call. Likewise, Judy nature as an incognizant meant she kept forgetting the existence of magic and having to have it re-exposited to her over and over again, which got a bit tiresome after a while. The ending was satisfying, though, so I found the book overall enjoyable.

Monster is decent urban fantasy.

Final Rating: 3/5

Weapon

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Weapon” by Jesse F. Bone, published in Amazing Stories in 1961.

Gutenberg Link

Weapon

SPOILERS BELOW

In “Weapon”, humanity is at war with the alien Eglani. The starship Dauntless is on a mission to capture an Eglani warrior alive for study; a task made difficult because they all have explosive implants in their heads that detonate when they die or are facing capture. They finally get lucky when a dead Eglani’s implant malfunctions, letting them recover an intact corpse for autopsy. From this, they discover that the Eglani have implanted communicators that let them link minds, gaining superhuman coordination; by jamming the link, they can negate this advantage and gain the upper hand.

This was a pretty decent military sci-fi story. I liked the central premise; if I have a complaint, it’s that the protagonists succeeded in their mission by happenstance rather than plan – the implant just so happened to malfunction by random chance rather than them coming up with some plan to achieve their goal. Still, I liked it.

Final Rating: 3/5

Monster World #2: The Golden Age

We’re going up, up, up, it’s our moment. You know together we’re glowing. Gonna be, gonna be golden. Let’s gild Monster World: The Golden Age by Philip Kim and Piotr Kowalski.

Synopsis:

Private detective Hank Barrymore stumbled upon the occult when he investigated a murder case on the World Studios movie set. Now, in his quest to find the witch he fell reluctantly in love with, Hank enlists the help of Nybbas, the demon of knowledge, and follows his clues to the plains of Oklahoma, where a strange farm boy is planting fear into the hearts of monsters and townspeople alike!

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

In this second Monster World series, Hank Barrymore is looking for a way to locate Shirley, the witch who he was separated from at the end of the first series. A demon directs him to Oklahoma to seek out an Enocian, a remnant of pre-Flood humanity. The Enocian turns out to be a Superman-expy – arrived to a farm in a spaceship as a baby, grew up to gain super-strength, invincibility, laser eyes, and flight. After spending an issue standing around watching off-brand Superman fight a sorcerer called Rybach, some demons show up with an army of possessed townsfolk, and Hank stands around and watches Superman fight them instead. Another demon, an enemy of the three fighting Superman, knows a ritual to send them back to Hell, but it requires the amulet Brisingamen from Norse mythology and a human sacrifice. Coincidentally, the amulet happens to be right there (what are the odds!), and Superman’s father offers to be the sacrifice, but before we can see if he goes through with it… the series ends.

Yes, the series was planned for six issues, but so far as I can tell, only five ever came out – there are listings for issue #6, but they all have “art not final” on the cover, so I think they’re mock-ups for a product that never released. But even aside from that… this series was a goddamn mess. The first series was a simple, straightforward story of a noir detective taking a case that resulted in him encountering real-life cheesy B-movie monsters; now we get the whole first issue lore-dumping Bible apocrypha and a bunch more watching Superman fight demons? What the hell? In the first place, why is he even looking for a magical Enocian portal to find Shirley – last I saw, she was carried away by a dragon, not sucked through an Enocian portal. Or is it too much to expect logic and continuity from a series that has clearly disappeared up its own ass? Ugh, what a decline in quality; nothing golden here.

Monster World: The Golden Age #1-5 have not been collected so far as I’ve been able to find.

Final Rating: 1/5