The Castaway

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “The Castaway” by Nelson S. Bond writing as George Danzell, published in Planet Stories in 1940.

Gutenberg Link

The Castaway

SPOILERS BELOW

“The Castaway” sees a space ship locate a man stranded on an asteroid, rescuing him just as his oxygen runs out. The man wants to die, and sabotages the ship to try to destroy it with him on board; but the crew convince him to fix the sabotage by asking him in God’s name, which he apparently cannot disobey. Turns out he’s the immortal Wandering Jew, doomed to seek death and never find it.

Ugh, you got your religion in my sci-fi – and that’s not even getting into the very questionable stuff about “the coloration of the races of man” which the story feels fit to bring up. Nope, not for me.

Final Rating: 1/5

Princess #1: The Stepsister Scheme

The prettiest girl in all the land was left alone without a hand to hold or teach or mold or pray. She fell down the sewer and got led astray. Monsters, demons, and all the rest took her soul and innocence. They tweezed and pulled all that was left ’til she was made a Disney princess. Let’s plot The Stepsister Scheme, by Jim C. Hines.

Synopsis:

What would happen if an author went back to the darker themes of the original fairy tales for his plots, and then crossed the Disney princesses with “Charlie’s Angels?” Hines delivers a new take on what happened to Cinderella and her prince after the wedding. Original.

You know how all those old fairy tales take you through lots of scary adventures till you finally reach that inevitable line: “And they lived happily ever after…” Guess what? It’s not true. Life in never-never land isn’t all sweetness and light. Cinderella – whose real name is Danielle Whiteshore (nee Danielle de Glas) – does marry Prince Armand. And (if you can ignore the pigeon incident) their wedding is a dream-come-true.

But not long after the “happily ever after,” Danielle is attacked by her stepsister Charlotte, who suddenly has all sorts of magic to call upon. And though Talia – otherwise known as Sleeping Beauty – comes to the rescue (she’s a martial arts master, and all those fairy blessings make her almost unbeatable), Charlotte gets away.

That’s when Danielle discovers a number of disturbing facts: Armand has been kidnapped and taken to the realm of the Fairies; Danielle is pregnant with his child; and the Queen has her very own Secret Service that consists of Talia and Snow (White, of course). Snow is an expert at mirror magic and heavy-duty flirting.

Can three princesses track down Armand and extract both the prince and themselves from the clutches of some of fantasyland’s most nefarious villains?

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

The Stepsister Scheme is set in a fantasy world of magic, curses, and fantastical beings where fairytale stories take place. Danielle Whiteshore (Cinderella) is adjusting to life as a princess after marrying Prince Armand, only for him to suddenly go missing when her wicked stepsisters attack the castle using powerful magic. It’s clear that this isn’t something that they could have managed themselves, but who is backing them and why? Danielle teams up with Talia Malak-el-Dahshat (Sleeping Beauty) and Ermillina Curtana (Snow White) to find out, beginning a journey that sees them confront dangerous fairies and vengeful ghosts.

This was a really interesting book. It did an excellent job at reinventing the fairytale princesses into action heroes by calling back to or reinterpreting various aspects of their legends: the supernatural grace and skill at dance bestowed on Sleeping Beauty by the fairies translating into fighting skills, for instance, or Snow White learning the magic used by the Evil Queen from her enchanted mirror after defeating her. I also appreciated that it didn’t go with the more well-known Disney versions of the fairy tales but went back to the original Grimm versions: having Cinderella’s benefactor being not a fairy godmother but rather her mother’s spirit acting through a tree that grew on her grave, for instance. And it did a good job of delivering both exciting action scenes and clever moments where Cinderella used lateral thinking to outwit fairies who challenged her with puzzles, riddles, or other such obstacles.

The Stepsister Scheme is a promising start to the Princess series, and I look forwards to seeing what future books have to offer.

Final Rating: 4/5

Beyond Light

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Beyond Light” by Nelson S. Bond, published in Planet Stories in 1940.

Gutenberg Link

Beyond Light

SPOILERS BELOW

In “Beyond Light”, a ship crashes on Venus. The three survivors are captured by subterranean bat-men, the dreaded Vampires of Venus, who plan to eat the men and mate with the woman. (Seriously? Ugh.) However, the protagonist uses his knowledge of refrigeration systems to cool the caves and send them into hibernation, allowing the captives to escape.

This was very nearly a decent story, up until the mate thing came up. Why throw that in there? Why on Earth (or Venus) would these weird alien creatures be sexually interested in a human woman? This is the second story in a row by Nelson S. Bond I’ve read where the villain suddenly develops a creepy sexual interest in the female heroine (the previous one being “Dictator of Time”); I seriously hope this isn’t a recurring trend for him. Much more of this, and I might start to suspect he sees women as nothing more than love-objects, devoid of any character, personality, or narrative purpose other than being lusted over by the males, be they human or alien.

Final Rating: 2/5

No\Name

Behind the black cell bars, I was born. I wish for the price for my malice. Well, I’ll give you that justice, as much as you desire it, before you can destroy or be destroyed by it. I pay the price for my karma. Let’s go together, monster without a name. Let’s name-drop No\Name, by Rafal Jaki and Machine Gamu.

Synopsis:

In a world where people’s names grant them superhuman powers… Two agents from the Nordic Naming Bureau (NNB), an agency specialized in investigating crimes committed by “Namers”, handle the case of a man and his missing wife and son. Things take a turn, however, when the duo come face to face with the man, who wishes to give his son the same name as himself…

Source: Anime Planet

SPOILERS BELOW

No\Name is set in a world where a person’s name gives them a related superpower. As such, the names children are given require government approval. Our protagonists are Ralf (“wolf commander”) and Ursula (“bear), agents for the Nordic Naming Bureau, an organization that investigates crimes committed using name powers. The series sets up a mystery involving terrorist attacks that seem to be committed using name powers, but by culprits with names unrelated to the powers used. However, it never gets around to actually solving that mystery (which seemed to involve abducted children and a secret book of previously unknown names of great power) because it got cancelled at just 14 chapters.

So, the setting of this series is actually very interesting. It’s a comic book cliche for superheroes and supervillains to have civilian names that are coincidentally appropriate for their powers, but making it explicit that names give relevant powers is a new twist with compelling implications for the setting. Unfortunately, it never really gets explored: the first chapter hints at government involvement in approving names (and sometimes in assigning names against the parents’ wishes), we don’t get to see the impact that has on this society, because Ralf and Ursula only get to investigate a grand total of two cases before the series’s unceremonious end.

It is a major failing of this series that it never pays off its premise; but that is almost certainly due to it being cut short, which then raises the question: what were the problems that caused it to fail in the first place? Personally, I blame the case they investigate in the first chapter, which sees them royally fuck up and kill a woman who was trying to save her baby from her abusive husband, then fail to prevent the husband from regaining custody of the baby. If the first thing we see our protagonists do is majorly fuck up, we’re going to think of them as major fuck-ups. I’m not going to say you can’t have a series where the protagonist makes a big mistake at the beginning and the main plot is about them trying to fix it, or even that you can’t have a grim and gritty series where the protagonists are morally grey enforcers of a broken and corrupt system (Psycho-Pass comes to mind); but such a thing is harder to pull off than your typical shounen, and the author here didn’t prove up to it. Ralf and Ursula made a bad first impression, and nothing was really done to counteract it; they just moved on to the next case like we were expected to sympathize with and root for them just because they were the designated protagonists. It also certainly didn’t help matters that the time the series did get wasn’t used very wisely: it felt like more time was spent following Ursula competing in Bear Fight Club events than actually working on the case or developing the plot. As much as I would have liked to see the world is set up have time to get properly developed, I can’t say it didn’t deserve cancellation based on the story it actually delivered.

No\Name is a series with a promising premise that unfortunately squandered its potential.

Final Rating: 2/5

Dictator of Time

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Dictator of Time” by Nelson S. Bond, published in Planet Stories in 1940.

Gutenberg Link

Dictator of Time

SPOILERS BELOW

“Dictator of Time” sees the protagonists, Larry and Sandra, abducted by a future scientist with a time machine who wants to vivisect them in the name of research. Naturally, as primitive barbarians, their ethical objections to this procedure are ignored. However, despite being incredible geniuses when it comes to building time machines, the Masters (as the future people call themselves) are incredibly inept when it comes to imprisoning captives, and so Larry and Sandra are able to escape in due course and raise a slave rebellion to overthrow the Masters.

This story had a lot of bad elements. There was the trite, by-the-numbers romance between Larry and Sandra, a groan-inducing and completely irrelevant past-life regression sequence, and an incredibly cliched moment where the villain offers to spare Sandra if she will be his bride. But at least it had a decent action climax with the rebellion, I’ll give it that much.

Final Rating: 2/5

Dave Barry #23: You Can Date Boys When You’re Forty: Dave Barry on Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little About

I spent ten long days in Jerusalem. Mm, Jerusalem. Sweet Jerusalem. And all I ate was olives. Nothing but olives. Mountains of olives. It was a good ten days, I like olives. I like you too. So when I tell you that I love you, don’t test my love. Accept my love. Don’t test my love, ‘cause maybe I don’t love you all that much. Let’s go out with You Can Date Boys When You’re Forty, by Dave Barry.

Synopsis:

A brilliantly funny exploration of the twin mysteries of parenthood and families from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times –bestselling author of Insane City .

In his New York Times – bestselling I’ll Mature When I’m Dead , Dave Barry embarked on the treacherous seas of adulthood, to hilarious results. What comes next? Parenthood, of course, and families.

In uproarious, brand-new pieces, Barry tackles everything from family trips, bat mitzvah parties and dating (he’s serious about that “When my daughter can legally commence dating—February 24, 2040—I intend to monitor her closely, even if I am deceased”) to funeral instructions (“I would like my eulogy to be given by William Shatner”), the differences between male and female friendships, the deeper meaning of Fifty Shades of Grey , and a father’s ultimate accompanying his daughter to a Justin Bieber concert (“It turns out that the noise teenaged girls make to express happiness is the same noise they would make if their feet were being gnawed off by badgers”).

Let’s face families not only enrich our lives every day, they drive us completely around the bend. Thank goodness we have Dave Barry as our guide!

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

Based on its subtitle, you might assume that this Dave Barry book would be on the subject of parenting. However, you would assume wrongly: according to the introduction, the title was chosen for marketing purposes. There are one or two columns (or perhaps I should says essays, since they weren’t previously published in the newspaper; but I’m so used to referring to his work as columns that it’s a hard habit to break) that are indeed about parenthood, but the majority would fall under the category of “other subjects”.

In a sense, this is fortunate, because parenthood is not a topic I really relate to and I find Barry’s columns a lot funnier when they’re about subjects I’m interested in. Unfortunately, however, by far the longest portion of the book is dedicated to a trip he took to Israel. Not being a member of an Abrahamic faith, I don’t have any particular interest in the sacred sites of that region; and current world events do not have me in much of a mood to laugh about Israel. That one kind of soured my reading experience. The other columns were decent to good, but since the Israel one was about four times as long, it kind of overshadowed them a bit.

You Can Date Boys When You’re Forty is alright.

Final Rating: 3/5

Pat Pending: Lighter Than You Think

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Lighter Than You Think” by Nelson S. Bond, published in Fantastic Universe in 1957.

Gutenberg Link

Lighter Than You Think

SPOILERS BELOW

“Lighter Than You Think” is part of a series, the introduction has the good grace to inform us, about an eccentric inventor and his strange contraptions. Don Mallory, patent office employee, has a girlfriend who refuses to marry him until he gets a raise or a promotion. Pat Pending comes to him with a counter-gravity rod that can reduce the weight of things. And what use do our protagonists come up with for this incredible physics-defying invention? Why, cheating at horse racing by reducing the jockey’s weight. Obviously.

I’m pretty sure this story is supposed to be a comedy, but I didn’t find it funny. Having our protagonists misuse a revolutionary technology for their own morally dubious ends didn’t exactly endear me to them. And, of course, the ending has them lose both the rod and their ill-gotten gains through a mishap, leaving them back exactly where they started – making this whole outing a waste of time.

Final Rating: 1/5

T-Bird & Throttle

I’m in control, I’m behind the wheel and I’m gonna steer where I want to steer. I’m in control, I’m behind the wheel and I’m gonna steer where I’m gonna steer. Let’s go full throttle with T-Bird & Throttle, by Josh Howard.

Synopsis:

Mitchell Maddox, astronaut turned superhero, was granted incredible powers by a mysterious alien “engine.” As T-Bird, Maddox rose to fame as the defender of Centennial City – until the day a terrible tragedy stripped him of everything. 10 years later, Maddox, now a single father, sets out to revive his glory days as T-Bird – but the demons from his past may have other plans…

Get the entire story in this 250+ page trade paperback. Collects the first 4 issue story arc plus the #0 issue prologue. Signed.

Source: Joshhoward.net (not on Goodreads)

SPOILERS BELOW

After being injured in a fight with Lunarans on the moon, Mitchell Maddox had an alien engine transplanted into his chest, turning him into the superhero T-Bird. For a time, he served as champion of Centennial City, until an unspecified tragedy cost him his wife, career, and reputation. The comic alternates between flashbacks detailing T-Bird’s origin and downfall, and a present-day storyline where he’s sent on a covert mission to recover a second super-engine from the Lunarians.

I thought the premise to this comic sounded interesting; but once I started reading, I started to notice a really uncomfortable right-wing slant to it. T-Bird’s detractors are all liberal-coded – students with colored hair and piercings, use “cis” as an insult and calling T-Bird a tool of the patriarchy – and the comic shallowly rebukes all their critiques. Is it in fact imperialist and xenophobic to go attack the Lunarans on their own home soil? Nope, they really are barbarian savages who deserve nothing more than extermination (which has really uncomfortable implications when you consider the pro-Lunaran college protests clearly being based on real-world protests against US foreign intervention; apparently, genocide is back in style). Was T-Bird in any way misogynist towards his wife? No, she was a dirty, skanky, slut-bag ho who cheated on him and then tried to kill him when he caught her (so, is the comic arguing that T-Bird isn’t misogynist, or that he should be?). Is there anything fascist about superhoroes? Nope, private vigilantes with no accountability going around beating up whoever they please is actually good for society. (OK, that last one’s kind of inherent to the superhero genre by nature; but combined with the previous points, the book’s take on it isn’t doing it any favors). Finally, it decides to go and bring the Bible into it by revealing that the figures worshipped by the cult that the villain belongs to are Leviathan, Behemoth, and Lilith, and so T-Bird has actually been fighting the literal forces of Satan all along, and the mysterious superhero who helped him on occasion was Jesus. Gag me with a spoon; what a complete and utter disappointment.

T-Bird & Throttle #0-4 are collected in T-Bird & Throttle Vs. The Moon Men.

Final Rating: 1/5

One-Shot

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “One-Shot” by James Blish, published in Astounding Science Fiction in 1955.

Gutenberg Link

One-Shot

SPOILERS BELOW

In “One-Shot”, the freighter Ludmilla drops an unidentified object in New York Harbor. The CIA is worried it might be a Communist bomb. They contact “One-Shot” Brown, a wealthy gambler and investor, on the theory that since he has good instincts for business and games of chance, he must also have good instincts for guessing whether mysterious objects dropped in harbors are bombs or not. I mean, that’s just simple logic. Anyway, it is in fact a bomb, but it turns out the whole thing was actually a test of the CIA’s emergency response protocol; there was no danger. Since Brown was able to come to the correct conclusion before the CIA’s specialists, he gets a job offer in threat assessment.

This is a very weak story. The whole premise rests on an incredibly dubious idea, that Brown’s gambling instincts somehow apply to military situations like he was clairvoyant or something. The reveal that the bomb was just a test and nothing was actually at stake is just the cherry on top, confirming the story to be a complete waste of time.

Final Rating: 1/5

The Troubled Girls of Dragomir Academy

Oh, Mother, why are you waiting there? I am waiting for my daughter. Oh, Mother, where did your daughter go? She went over the river. Oh, Mother, when will your daughter return? She will not return. Oh, Mother, why won’t your daughter return? She went into the river. Oh, Mothr, why are you waiting there? I am waiting for my daughter. Let’s meet The Troubled Girls of Dragomir Academy, by Anne Ursu.

Synopsis:

A fantasy about a kingdom beset by monsters, a mysterious school, and a girl caught in between them.

If no one notices Marya Lupu, it is likely because of her brother, Luka. And that’s because of what everyone knows: that Luka is destined to become a sorcerer.

The Lupus might be from a small village far from the capital city of Illyria, but that doesn’t matter. Every young boy born in in the kingdom holds the potential for the rare ability to wield magic, to protect the country from the terrifying force known only as the Dread.

For all the hopes the family has for Luka, no one has any for Marya, who can never seem to do anything right. But even so, no one is prepared for the day that the sorcerers finally arrive to test Luka for magical ability, and Marya makes a terrible mistake. Nor the day after, when the Lupus receive a letter from a place called Dragomir Academy–a mysterious school for wayward young girls. Girls like Marya.

Soon she is a hundred miles from home, in a strange and unfamiliar place, surrounded by girls she’s never met. Dragomir Academy promises Marya and her classmates a chance to make something of themselves in service to one of the country’s powerful sorcerers. But as they learn how to fit into a world with no place for them, they begin to discover things about the magic the men of their country wield, as well as the Dread itself–things that threaten the precarious balance upon which Illyria is built.

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

The Troubled Girls of Dragomir Academy is set in the fantasy kingdom of Illyria. Though it ultimately triumphed in a long and brutal war against the neighboring kingdom of Kel, the Kellian witches unleashed a deadly curse upon the land in a final act of spite before being killed. Called the Dread, it is a purple cloud that randomly manifests in forests across the land and then engulfs the nearest village, killing every human it touches. Only Illyria’s organization of highly trained sorcerers are able to hold back the Dread; and only enough to evacuate villages and minimize casualties, not destroy it for good. With Dread attacks increasing in frequency and striking ever further into the kingdom, it seems they are losing the battle.

Our main character is Marya, a village girl whose parents ignore her in favor of lavishing attention on their son, Luka, a prodigy who they expect to someday become a sorcerer. When Marya embarrasses a visiting sorcerer who has come to evaluate Luka’s potential, she ends up getting shipped off to a boarding school called the Dragomir Academy for Troubled Girls. There, girls who are deemed screw-ups or misfits because they fail to conform to the strict gender roles of Illyria’s misogynistic society are sternly lectured in manners and etiquette, with harsh punishment for stepping out of line, until they’ve been molded into the dutiful and obedient women that their culture demands. Marya isn’t at the academy long, however, before she suspects something more sinister may be going on: something involving the mysterious disappearance of the daughter of the Dragomir family and a lingering curse on the mountain where the school is located.

I thought this novel had a very strong climax, when Marya uncovers the secrets of Dragomir Academy and learns the true nature of the Dread; it’s just a shame that it took so long to reach it. Much of the story up to that point is just Marya being brow-beaten by her teachers into following the rules, which isn’t very interesting. This book could have used a few more subplots to keep things interesting and provide more of a sense of stuff going on up until things really kick off with the Dread attack on the school. Like, for instance – I hate to reference Harry Potter now that Rowling’s revealed herself to be such a vile person, but it’s the first example that comes to mind – the first book wasn’t entirely about Snape belittling Harry in Potions class until Voldemort showed up at the end. You had subplots like going into the Forbidden Forest to look for the unicorn and Quidditch games and attempts being made on Harry’s life; and let’s not forget that the classes themselves were about interesting magic stuff rather than proper posture and how to hold a spoon.

Well, the characters of Marya and the other troubled girls were good (in fact, liked the classmates enough that I wish they’d been explored in greater depth), the climax was strong, and the resolution was satisfying. On the whole, I think I can call it decent.

Final Rating: 3/5