Answer, Please Answer

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Answer, Please Answer” by Ben Bova, published in Amazing Stories in 1962.

Gutenberg Link

Answer, Please Answer

SPOILERS BELOW

“Answer, Please Answer” sees scientists stationed in Antarctica during the Cold War discover a signal from an alien world. When they decipher it, it turns out that the aliens have developed atomic weapons and are sending a plea to the universe asking if anyone has figured out how to avoid destroying themselves with them. The message is terminated by the aliens wiping themselves out with a nuclear war, and the scientists fear that Earth is following the same path.

This is a chillingly bleak story – too bleak for my tastes. I retreat into fiction to escape from the miseries of reality, and prefer my stories to have happy endings.

Final Rating: 2/5

Monster

If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me? And if I seemed dangerous, would you be scared? I get the feeling just because everything I touch isn’t dark enough that this problem lies in me. Let’s turn into Monster, by A. Lee Martinez.

Synopsis:

Meet Monster. Meet Judy. Two humans who don’t like each other much, but together must fight dragons, fire-breathing felines, trolls, Inuit walrus dogs, and a crazy cat lady – for the future of the universe.

Monster runs a pest control agency. He’s overworked and has domestic troubles – like having the girlfriend from hell.

Judy works the night shift at the local Food Plus Mart. Not the most glamorous life, but Judy is happy. No one bothers her and if she has to spell things out for the night-manager every now and again, so be it.

But when Judy finds a Yeti in the freezer aisle eating all the Rocky Road, her life collides with Monster’s in a rather alarming fashion. Because Monster doesn’t catch raccoons; he catches the things that go bump in the night. Things like ogres, trolls, and dragons.

Oh, and his girlfriend from Hell? She actually is from Hell.

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

All sorts of magical creatures and beings exist, but most people are incognizant and can’t recognize or remember then. Monster Dionysius works for the Cyptobiological Containment and Rescue Service, which tasks him with capturing mythical beats that make pests of themselves – a task he’s particularly suited for, as a basilisk bite has rendered him immune to poison and a superpower that changes along with his skin color each time he sleeps. It’s usually slow work, as the amount of magic in the world has been steadily decreasing for a while. However, there’s recently been a sudden surge of cryptids appearing in the vicinity of an incognizant woman named Judy. What starts as an unassuming, if puzzling, job soon ends up spiraling to become a battle for the fate of the Universe.

This was a decent book. Monster was an interesting character, with his shifting color and powers, but his reluctance to engage with the plot of the book caused the pacing to drag a bit as he kept stubbornly refusing the call. Likewise, Judy nature as an incognizant meant she kept forgetting the existence of magic and having to have it re-exposited to her over and over again, which got a bit tiresome after a while. The ending was satisfying, though, so I found the book overall enjoyable.

Monster is decent urban fantasy.

Final Rating: 3/5

Weapon

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Weapon” by Jesse F. Bone, published in Amazing Stories in 1961.

Gutenberg Link

Weapon

SPOILERS BELOW

In “Weapon”, humanity is at war with the alien Eglani. The starship Dauntless is on a mission to capture an Eglani warrior alive for study; a task made difficult because they all have explosive implants in their heads that detonate when they die or are facing capture. They finally get lucky when a dead Eglani’s implant malfunctions, letting them recover an intact corpse for autopsy. From this, they discover that the Eglani have implanted communicators that let them link minds, gaining superhuman coordination; by jamming the link, they can negate this advantage and gain the upper hand.

This was a pretty decent military sci-fi story. I liked the central premise; if I have a complaint, it’s that the protagonists succeeded in their mission by happenstance rather than plan – the implant just so happened to malfunction by random chance rather than them coming up with some plan to achieve their goal. Still, I liked it.

Final Rating: 3/5

Monster World #2: The Golden Age

We’re going up, up, up, it’s our moment. You know together we’re glowing. Gonna be, gonna be golden. Let’s gild Monster World: The Golden Age by Philip Kim and Piotr Kowalski.

Synopsis:

Private detective Hank Barrymore stumbled upon the occult when he investigated a murder case on the World Studios movie set. Now, in his quest to find the witch he fell reluctantly in love with, Hank enlists the help of Nybbas, the demon of knowledge, and follows his clues to the plains of Oklahoma, where a strange farm boy is planting fear into the hearts of monsters and townspeople alike!

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

In this second Monster World series, Hank Barrymore is looking for a way to locate Shirley, the witch who he was separated from at the end of the first series. A demon directs him to Oklahoma to seek out an Enocian, a remnant of pre-Flood humanity. The Enocian turns out to be a Superman-expy – arrived to a farm in a spaceship as a baby, grew up to gain super-strength, invincibility, laser eyes, and flight. After spending an issue standing around watching off-brand Superman fight a sorcerer called Rybach, some demons show up with an army of possessed townsfolk, and Hank stands around and watches Superman fight them instead. Another demon, an enemy of the three fighting Superman, knows a ritual to send them back to Hell, but it requires the amulet Brisingamen from Norse mythology and a human sacrifice. Coincidentally, the amulet happens to be right there (what are the odds!), and Superman’s father offers to be the sacrifice, but before we can see if he goes through with it… the series ends.

Yes, the series was planned for six issues, but so far as I can tell, only five ever came out – there are listings for issue #6, but they all have “art not final” on the cover, so I think they’re mock-ups for a product that never released. But even aside from that… this series was a goddamn mess. The first series was a simple, straightforward story of a noir detective taking a case that resulted in him encountering real-life cheesy B-movie monsters; now we get the whole first issue lore-dumping Bible apocrypha and a bunch more watching Superman fight demons? What the hell? In the first place, why is he even looking for a magical Enocian portal to find Shirley – last I saw, she was carried away by a dragon, not sucked through an Enocian portal. Or is it too much to expect logic and continuity from a series that has clearly disappeared up its own ass? Ugh, what a decline in quality; nothing golden here.

Monster World: The Golden Age #1-5 have not been collected so far as I’ve been able to find.

Final Rating: 1/5

Assassin

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Assassin” by Jesse F. Bone, published in If Worlds of Science Fiction in 1958.

Gutenberg Link

Assassin

SPOILERS BELOW

“Assassin” is about aliens arriving on Earth. They show every sign of being benevolent, brokering peace between the US and Soviet Union and sharing technology. However, protagonist Matson doesn’t trust them, simply because he doesn’t believe altruistic motives are possible. Certain that their kindness is just a ruse to conquer humanity, he plans to assassinate the ambassadors. In the process, he learns that powerful negative emotions are toxic to them, so humanity can defend itself by cultivating hatred and fear.

I strongly disliked this story’s message, dismissing the optimistic belief that selflessness is possible and valorizing our worst traits. In this universe, we shouldn’t be fearing alien invasion; aliens should be fearing us – we are the violent horde, holding hatred as the highest virtue. And just in case I needed further reason to hate it, it has a character who speaks in a phonetically transcribed accent. That will never not be terrible.

Final Rating: 1/5

Dungeon Crawler Carl #3: The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook

Fergalicious, definition make them boys go loco. They want my treasure, so they get their pleasures from my photo. You could see me, you can’t squeeze me, I ain’t easy, I ain’t sleazy. I got reasons why I tease ’em, boys just come and go like seasons. Let’s blow up The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook, by Matt Dinniman.

Synopsis:

Welcome to the Gun Show!

The top ten list is populated. The sponsorship program is open. The difficulty is ramping up. The first three floors were nothing compared to what Carl and Donut now face.

The Iron Tangle. An impossibly-complicated subway system built out of the world’s subterranean railway systems, all combined and then tied together into a knot. Up is down. Down is up. Close is far. The cars are filled with monsters, the railway stations are less than safe, and the exit is always just a few stops away.

But there is hope. For the first time, the crawlers are all working together. The loot is better than ever. And the secret to unraveling it all may be hidden in the pages of a seemingly-useless book. Welcome, crawlers. Welcome to the fourth floor of the dungeon.

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

The epic dungeon crawl continues as the Royal Court of Princess Donut (now consisting of Carl, Donut, Mordecai, and Katia) reach the fourth level. This floor is styled as a massive subway system, where crawlers have to navigate a confusing tangle of train lines, none of which seem to go exactly where the crawlers need to get to, and which are used by the monsters as well. It will take a lot of careful study and clever planning to figure out how to navigate the system to reach the exit without triggering a catastrophic disruption in the monster migration patterns that would have horrible consequences for everyone. Or, alternately, they could just blow everything up. One day, there will be a dungeon floor that does not conclude in a massive explosion; but today is not that day.

The dungeon layout was particularly interesting this time. The mechanics, as already mentioned, made it an intriguing puzzle to be solved; but it was also, as the crawlers eventually figured out, the alien equivalent of a racist political cartoon, with the Borant Corporation using the dungeon’s wide galactic viewership as an opportunity to unsubtly (to aliens familiar with the wider political situation) smear the character of some races they don’t get along with. And though the crawlers only get a few occasional glimpses of the wider political situation, it continues to impact their experience: Borant’s economic situation led them to increase the dungeon’s lethality and shorten the time limit on the levels so they could cash out quicker, which led to the AI distributing more and better loot to try and keep the power curve on track, which led to Borant overriding it on the quest reward it tried to give out at the end of the last book, which now has it feeling particularly spiteful towards its masters. The haste has also led to a breakdown in some systems, like the VIP protections for admins (which hasn’t had any serious consequences – yet), or the inventory controls in the production trailers crawlers go to before and after interviews (which led to Carl looting some high-tech machinery for his workshop). And nowhere is the idea of control breaking down more emphasized than with the titular Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook: a subversive item hacked into the game’s code by past rebels attempting to break the system, which lists all the secrets and exploits discovered by previous crawlers who dreamed of finding a way to burn the game down. It’s in Carl’s hands now; we’ll see if he can accomplish more with it than his predecessors.

But really, the highlight of this book is not Carl, but Katia. She gets a much-needed spotlight as she goes through a character arc of transforming from a timid temporary tag-along to the party to become a super-powered juggernaut who is accepted as a full-fledged permanent member of the team. It’s everything I hoped for when she was introduced in the previous book.

The “Backstage at the Pineapple Cabaret” bonus story features Growler Gary arriving at the under-construction Floor 17 death maze. Though he’s too drunk and grief-stricken to catch all the nuances of what’s going on, the story is establishing that the mobs are splitting into two factions: the believers, led by Rory, who buy into the promised reward of the Pineapple Cabaret in exchange for fulfilling their assigned duty; and the skeptics, led by Grandma Llama, who are certain that the system is going to once again screw them over, just like it always does.

Like the books before it, The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook is exceptionally good.

Final Rating: 5/5

To Choke an Ocean

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “To Choke an Ocean” by Jesse F. Bone, published in If World of Science Fiction in 1960.

Gutenberg Link

To Choke an Ocean

SPOILERS BELOW

“To Choke an Ocean” begins with a merchant caught in customs on the planet Niobe complaining about what he sees as excessive regulations on imports. The protagonist, Lanceford, tells the story of how he once nearly destroyed the entire planet’s ecosystem by importing oysters, leading to the current strict rules.

This was a decent story. It was a good illustration of the dangers posed by invasive species being introduced to new ecologies, the threat posed by greed to the environment, and safety regulations being the product of bitter experience. My biggest gripe is that it ends on a bad pun; but I think I can forgive it that.

Final Rating: 3/5

Monster World #1: Monster World

Confused, mind bruised, it seeps out, it seeps out, it seeps out. Face down, home town looks so grey, so grey, so grey. Convexed, you bend, twist and shout, and shout, and shout. Stand up, brush off, get moving, get moving, get moving. Let’s roll the cameras on Monster World, by Philip Kim, Steve Niles, and Piotr Kowalski.

Synopsis:

Something sinister is lurking behind the cameras of world-famous World Studios, and it may not be human. When Detective Henry Barrymore is approached by a mysterious woman to investigate her husband’s disappearance, he hardly expects to be embroiled in the workings of a mysterious cult who seem to have control over movie monsters. It’s Casablanca meets Crowley in this supernatural noir miniseries!

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

Monster World is about Henry Barrymore, a private detective who is hired to investigate the disappearance of the head of a successful movie studio. Turns out the studio’s success was due to a dark pact with a cult lead by an evil magician who uses his power to enslave monsters. The studio head only wanted to use them to save on makeup costs, but the cult has grander and more dastardly plans, and now it’s up to Henry to stop them.

This series was decent. I mean, the appearance of the monsters was kind of cheesy, and the action scenes were all pretty stiff; but you can call that a homage to early Hollywood monster movies. At least it told a complete and satisfying story. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for the noir aesthetic, or because I’m reading it right after comics that I found completely repellent like Dream Maiden Megan or that completely failed at basic story structure like Gunsuits Alix, but I’m willing to give its flaws a pass. It may not be all that great by most metrics, by I enjoyed reading it, and that’s what really matters.

Monster World #1-4 have not been collected so far as I’ve been able to find.

Final Rating: 3/5

Noble Redman

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Noble Redman” by Jesse F. Bone, published in Amazing Science Fiction Stories in 1960.

Gutenberg Link

Noble Redman

SPOILERS BELOW

“Noble Redman” sees Cyril, a shady character on Mars, meet Noble Redman, a red-skinned man (not a racial slur; his skin is literally bright red), who wins a lot of money gambling and needs to leave in a hurry before the sore losers decide to take their money back by force. Noble is from the radioactive ruins of Earth, which are kept quarantined by the Galactic Patrol; he was sent on a mission to steal technology so his people could break the quarantine. His biggest advantage is that the radiation has given his people psychic powers. Cyril finds himself torn between his fear of what Earth psychics might be capable of should they escape quarantine and his greed for what they might offer him.

This was a decent story about an immoral man facing a moral dilemma. Cyril might be a scumbag, but he was at least an interesting character to follow as he tried to figure out where his self-interest lay. Overall, I liked it.

Final Rating: 3/5

Dungeon Crawler Carl #2: Carl’s Doomsday Scenario

If you hold a cat by the tail, you learn things you cannot learn any other way. Let’s cancel the apocalypse with Carl’s Doomsday Scenario, by Matt Dinniman.

Synopsis:

“The training levels have concluded. Now the games may truly begin.”

The ratings and views are off the chart. The fans just can’t get enough. The dungeon gets more dangerous each day. But in a grinder designed to chew up and spit out crawlers by the millions, Carl and Princess Donut need to work harder than ever just to survive.

They call it the Over City. A sprawling, once-thriving metropolis devastated by a mysterious calamity. But these streets are far from abandoned. An undead circus trawls the ruins. Murdered prostitutes rain from the sky. An ancient spell is finally ready to reveal its dark purpose.

Carl still has no pants.

They call it Dungeon Crawler World. For Carl and Donut, it’s anything but a game.

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

The first Dungeon Crawler Carl book concluded with Carl and Princess Donut reaching the third floor, where they would make their race and class selections. Now a Primal Compensated Anarchist and a Cat Former Child Star, they enter the first open-world level of the dungeon. It’s no longer a hack-and-slash through endless monster-filled corridors; this is a realm of villages filled with NPC merchants, unstoppable town guards, and Quests that require investigation rather than just mindlessly killing everything they encounter. Carl and Princess Donut being Carl and Princess Donut, though, it still ends with a really big explosion. Would you expect anything else?

While the quests were an interesting way to add to the narrative of the dungeon crawl, and there’s more development of the politics behind the show with the Skull Empire’s reckless actions causing a rift in a long-standing alliance and the AI causing a nasty legal fight by attempting to go so Monty Haul with loot that it would have bankrupted the Borant Corporation had they not overruled it, the thing that most interested me about this book was the expansion of the party. While the first book had the people from the retirement home, they were treated like civilians that Carl and Donut had to protect rather than active contributing compatriots; and Mongo is a pet rather than a person. Now, however, Mordecai has become officially attached to them as Princess Donut’s manager as a perk of the Former Child Star class, and Doppleganger Monster Truck Driver Katia has also joined The Royal Court of Princess Donut after being separated from Brynhild’s Daughters. The character interactions have always been a highlight of this series, and I’m looking forward to seeing what these additions bring to the team dynamic. (Particularly Katia; Mordecai appeared enough as their tutorial guide for me to get a good sense of his character, but Katia only joins near the end of this book, so she hasn’t gotten much spotlight yet).

The print version of the book also contains the continuation of “Behind the Scenes at the Pineapple Cabaret” at the end. I didn’t find this installment to be as intriguing as the first, because it’s revealed that the mobs being saved from the floor collapse wasn’t a glitch in the system – it was part of the standard protocol for constructing the 17th floor of the dungeon, which is completely pointless because no crawler has ever beaten the 13th floor, and most seasons don’t even go past 9 or 10. An unanticipated rebellion against the cruel and unjust system by the lowliest of exploited peons is an interesting premise; the pointless continued machinations of the system are not.

But the short story aside, this was another excellent book, and the Dungeon Crawler Carl series remains exceptionally good.

Final Rating: 5/5