The God-Plllnk

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “The God Plllnk” by Jerome Bixby, published in Worlds of Tomorrow in 1963.

Gutenberg Link

The God-Plllnk

SPOILERS BELOW

“The God-Plllnk” is about a human expedition to Mars that lands on Phobos. The aliens there mistake the landers for gods and the humans within for deadly parasites, and accordingly kill the humans.

Is this supposed to be amusing? Are we supposed to go “Ha ha, what a silly misunderstanding?” ‘Cause I just felt depressed reading about so many lives being destroyed by a stupid misunderstanding. Just a very unpleasant story to read.

Final Rating: 1/5

Dilbia #2: Spacepaw

Look for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessities, forget about your worries and your strife. I mean the bare necessities, Old Mother Nature’s recipes, that bring the bare necessities of life. Let’s shake Spacepaw, by Gordon R. Dickson.

Synopsis:

Operation Spacepaw.

Bill Waltham has a sneaking suspicion that a few important details were purposely withheld from him when he receives his assignment to the planet Dilbia. At first, the project – to teach the planet’s bearlike inhabitants the basic agricultural skills – seems a straightforward, though boring, undertaking for a young engineer on the rise.

But Bill immediately senses a very keen hostility from the Dilbians toward interfering humans. And in trying to solve a major crisis on the planet, he finds himself involved in a knock-down, drag-out brawl that has all the undertones of a David-and-Goliath battle revisited.

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

The sequel to Spacial Delivery sees engineer Bill “Pick-and-Shovel” Waltham sent to Dilbia as part of Project Spacepaw (roughly equivalent to “Helping Hand From the Stars” in Dilbian); his task will be to familiarize the Dilbians with the use of simple agricultural tools. However, just as with John “Half-Pint Posted’ Tardy before him, he arrives to find that a female sociologist has been abducted by a Dilbian with a real tough reputation, Bone Breaker. Not being an idiot, he figures that this can’t be a coincidence – he’s being set up to have to fight a Dilbian the same way John was. But whereas John was an Olympic medalist in the decathlon, John teaches people how to use shovels – he isn’t going to be able to repeat John’s miraculous victory over Streamside Terror. Instead, he needs to use his cunning to avoid fighting Bone Breaker (which would get him killed) without appearing like he’s avoiding fighting Bone Breaker (which, being cowardly, would cause the humans to lose face with the Dilbians)

I’ll admit, this book had me worried at first: when the opening chapters presented the same set-up of a young man coming to Dilbia and finding himself roped into an honor duel against a Dilbian over an abduction, I worried it was just going to be a retread of the first novel. Fortunately, it quickly became apparent that Bill was a very different character from John, and was approaching his troubles in a very different way. Indeed, by the end, I was actually enjoying this book even more than I had the first one – I really enjoyed Bill’s quick-thinking, clever plans to get out of trouble without looking like he was backing down from a challenge, and ultimate insight into the counterintuitive way that Dilbian society is truly structured – something that gives them a real sense of identity as a truly alien culture rather than merely humans in the shape of bears.

Spacepaw made for a good second half to the Dilbia duology.

Final Rating: 3/5

Where There’s Hope

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Where There’s Hope” by Jerome Bixby, published in If Worlds of Science Fiction in 1953.

Gutenberg Link

Where There’s Hope

SPOILERS BELOW

“Where There’s Hope” is about a group of colonists who have landed on a planet called New Earth. The planet is currently extremely dangerous due to hazards like dinosaur-like monsters, and the women on the mission decide they don’t want to have children until conditions are improved somewhat. The men decide that, to keep progress on schedule, they can’t afford to wait; and so they drug, hypnotize, and rape the women. The story doesn’t call it rape, of course, but that’s what it is. And of course this results in the colony prospering and we’re all supposed to cheer at the happy ending.

This story is loathsome. Just absolutely disgusting. Does anything else really need to be said?

Final Rating: 1/5

Eden (2018)

Let me paint a picture for you, then I’ll have to teach you to see it. Illustrate the remnants of the life I used to live here in Eden. Rolled a lucky pair of dice, ended up in paradise. Landed on a snake’s eyes, took a bite, and ended up bleeding. Let’s get expelled from Eden, by Eric Henson.

Synopsis:

In the year 2714, earth has been conquered by a brutal alien race. The only hope is a team of unlikely heroes, led by the planet’s most formidable warrior, Brigadier General Neriah Willis. The utopian world of Eden offers refuge, but when Neriah’s only son is suddenly kidnapped, our heroes discover something far more sinister is at play. This volume collects issues #1-4 and contains exclusive, never-before-seen material!

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

Eden is set on the titular planet, a sanctuary for interstellar war refugees (including humans, as Earth has been conquered by alien invaders called the Nomads). Our protagonist is Neriah, a woman searching for her missing son.

Wow, this series was bad. The problem start with the fact that its short length doesn’t give it time to develop its setting or characters. We’re thrown into Neriah’s quest to find her son in medias res rather than getting any sort of background on our heroes – which, granted could be a stylistic choice rather than one forced by length constraints; but if so, it’s a poor one, as it’s hard to get invested in these people when I don’t know them from Joe Random. Neriah gets a flashback sequence providing a slideshow of important moments from her past, with hits with all the impact of a PowerPoint presentation nobody brought donuts to, while Christian just gets his backstory infodumped in a monologue. As for the third member of the trio, Kla’tuu, he has so little to him that he’s less a character than a plot device. The main villain, Ghost, is equally uninspired, seeming to talk entirely in cliches – including, yes, an “I am your father” reveal. The setting is similarly threadbare; we’re told a lot about how Eden is supposedly a utopian paradise but actually rotten and corrupt, but it doesn’t have much impact when we don’t actually see any of it. But plotting is where the story suffers most of all, as powers and gadgets pop out of nowhere with no foreshadowing. The worst example of this would have to be Neriah second fight with Reno, where she suddenly remembers that, oh, actually she’s had her gauntlet loaded with a poison that neutralizes his rapid healing all along, silly of her not to have used it on him the first time around.

And then there’s the ending – or rather “ending”, as it is one of those bullshit “or is it?” conclusions that refuses to tie anything up. You can’t excuse it a cancellation-forced premature end, because this was clearly marketed from the start as a four-issue limited series rather than an ongoing, or call it sequel-bait, because like hell this is ever getting a sequel. No, it’s just a sheer perverse refusal to provide the reader any sort of closure. Terrible, just terrible.

Eden #1-4 are collected in Eden.

Final Rating: 1/5

Laboratory

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Laboratory” by Jerome Bixby, published in If Worlds of Science Fiction in 1955.

Gutenberg Link

Laboratory

SPOILERS BELOW

“Laboratory” sees human explorers land on a seemingly-uninhabited planet. Unbeknownst to them, it’s actually a laboratory planet where dangerous experiments are being conducted, and the gigantic invisible alien scientists have to frantically scramble to keep them out of harm’s way.

This was a decently-amusing comedy, though the “here we go again” ending was perhaps a bit too predictable. Still, I liked it well enough, I suppose.

Final Rating: 3/5

The Tarakan Chronicles #2: The Puzzler’s War

There’s a puzzle in my head. I’ll spend a lifetime finding pieces. It’ll take forever to put together, the square and the round. Something to prove I’m not hanging around, hanging around. Let’s fight The Puzzler’s War, by Eyal Kless.

Synopsis:

The intriguing futuristic dystopian story begun with The Lost Puzzler continues in this expansive speculative science fiction adventure.

There is nothing out of the ordinary in waking up . . . unless you’re dead. Sent on a dangerous mission with little hope of succeeding, the man known as “Twinkle Eyes” has beaten the odds and found the key that could save Rafik, a teenage boy with the power to unlock the invaluable Tarakan technology that can restart their world. But the world might not be ready for what is unleashed, and now Twinkle Eyes must find a needle in a haystack in order to save himself . . . and perhaps the world. This time, though, he will not go it alone. And while his companions—from the fiery Vincha to the laconic Galinak—have their own motivations, each will be vital in solving the last grand puzzle. One that could bring prosperity and progress to the world or destroy humanity’s last hope for ascension. Now, a lone assassin from another era, two old friends, a dead man, a ruthless rogue mercenary, and a vicious warlord are all hunting for the ultimate prize. But what will happen when the final secret is unlocked, and technology long since buried once again finds its way into the hands of mankind?

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

The Puzzler’s War picks up five years after the end of The Lost Puzzler, with Twinkle Eyes and Galinak being dispatched on a mission to recover Vincha’s daughter Emilija, a powerful Puzzler with the potential to tip the balance of power between the warring AIs Adam and Cain. However, they face opposition from Mannes, the programmer who originally created Cain, who has survived for 200 years using Tarakan medical technology, and who has awakened a Tarakan sleeper agent going by the name of Peach to retrieve Emilija for Cain instead.

This book was good up until the end, which made me angry at it for wasting my time. See, our protagonists completely fail in their mission; but that turns out to be a good thing, because actually Adam was evil and Cain was good the whole time, so everything they ever did in both this book and the previous one was misguided and pointless.

Now, call me old-fashioned, but I believe that the role of a protagonist is to protag. When you have a story where the heroes could have just stayed home drinking beer instead and everything still would have turned out the same way, that’s a pretty shit story. Why the hell did I spend two books reading about these idiots bumbling around and accomplishing nothing if it was actually Mannes and Cain who were saving the day all along?

Ugh. If it’s all the same to you, I’m going to go ahead and pretend that The Lost Puzzler was a stand-alone. This sequel just doesn’t work for me at all.

Final Rating: 2/5

The Crowded Colony

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “The Crowded Colony” by Jerome Bixby writing as Jay B. Drexel, published in Planet Stories in 1950.

Gutenberg Link

The Crowded Colony

SPOILERS BELOW

In “The Crowded Colony”, aliens from Beta Centauri arrive on Mars, where they determine that the natives are an inferior species ripe for subjugation and conquest. Unfortunately for them, the “natives” are in fact explorers from Earth who were studying native Martian ruins and the aliens have massively misjudged their technology level. What’s more, now that they’ve announced their appraisal of humanity, the explorers have no intention of letting them report back to Beta Centauri to call for an invasion fleet that might subsequently move on to Earth.

This was a well-executed story about the dangers of arrogantly assuming oneself superior to “primitive savages”. I thought it pulled off the twist quite well, and enjoyed reading it.

Final Rating: 3/5

Sunhead

Little darling, it’s been a long, cold, lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here. Here comes the sun. Let’s say it’s alright to Sunhead, by Alex Assan.

Synopsis:

In this queer coming-of-age teen graphic novel by breakout talent Alex Assan, high schooler Rotem feels herself growing apart from her friends in a million inexpressible ways. But an unexpected connection with another student makes her feel more herself than ever before. This incisive and stunningly gorgeous debut is perfect for fans of Bloom and Gender Queer.

Rotem is a Sunhead, a fan of the international smash hit Sunrise series of books and films. She’s obsessed with the story’s love interest, Edmund, and no one else gets it. But all that changes when she befriends Ayala, a shy classmate and avid book lover who’s as swept away by the romance as she is. The two become fast friends, but as their deep connection grows stronger, Rotem starts to wonder: What exactly draws her to this story?

Alex Assan’s debut, Sunhead, is an earnest coming-of-age graphic novel that explores how the stories we love help us understand our friendships, our relationships, and ourselves.

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

Sunhead is the story of Rotem, a high school girl who is a huge fan of the fictional vampire romance series Sunrise (a thinly veiled take on Twilight). She bonds with fellow student Ayala over their shared love of the book. However, Rotem slowly comes to realize that she has feelings beyond the platonic for Ayala and has to learn to be honest with herself instead of trying to bury them and pretend they don’t exist.

This was a sweet romance story, but the pace was a bit slow for me. There were a lot of long, dialogue-free montages of Rotem just going about her daily life. It took half the book for her to realize that her admiration for the male lead of Sunrise was not due a crush on him but rather identifying with his attraction to the female lead; and then after kissing Ayala, she spends much of the rest of the book avoiding her and they only reconcile at the end. As such, it ended up feeling like not a lot happened, considering its length.

Sunhead was a decent enough romance; I just wish there was more to the story.

Final Rating: 3/5

Zen

Project Gutenberg is a massive digital library of public domain works. Its archives contain not merely novels, but also numerous short stories from magazines with adjectives like “Amazing”, “Thrilling”, “Startling” and “Wondrous” in their titles. I’m making my way through its vast catalogue of these speculative fiction works. Today, I’ll be looking at “Zen” by Jerome Bixby, published in Galaxy Science Fiction in 1952.

Gutenberg Link

Zen

SPOILERS BELOW

“Zen” sees David, an archaeologist, searching for fossils on an asteroid formed from the remnants of a destroyed planet. He discovers a living alien instead, a Zen – though they look like cuddly teddy bears, they are incredibly tough, capable of living for thousands of years, surviving in hard vacuum, and metabolizing cosmic radiation in the absence of other food. He reunites her with another Zen, and they have 1,200 kids, thus saving the endangered race – assuming, of course, that Zen somehow don’t suffer from inbreeding-related disorders resulting from such a severe genetic bottleneck. That’s something these “Adam and Eve” type stories never seem to take into account.

In any case, this was a decent enough story. It felt like it ended kind of abruptly; you’d think this would be the setup for a “The Trouble With Tribbles”-type situation, where the resultant Zen population explosion poses a problem that the protagonist have to deal with; but no, it just concluded without addressing it.

Final Rating: 3/5

Dilbia #1: Spacial Delivery

From there, to here. From here! To there! All black and brown and covered in hair! He smelled that girl on the summer air! The bear! The bear! Let’s order a Spacial Delivery, by Gordon R. Dickson.

Synopsis:

In the good old days they gave you a suit of armor and a mighty steed to rescue a maiden in distress. But John Tardy didn’t know about this battle until he was in it. No suit of armor, no magnificent charger. He’d have been happy just to arrive on his own two feet, or any way other than as a package labeled “Spacial Delivery.”

Source: Goodreads

SPOILERS BELOW

Spacial Delivery is set on the planet Dilbia, where both humanity and a rival alien species called the Hemnoids are making diplomatic overtures towards the native Dilbians, who resemble bipedal bear. Unfortunately, there’s been something of a snafu; it seems the ambassador inadvertently impugned the honor of a Dilbian called Streamside Terror, who abducted a human sociologist in retaliation. Protagonist John Tardy is called in to salvage the situation by challenging the Terror to an honor duel – all he needs to do is defeat a bear with his bare hands; easy, right? But as for how to get John to the Terror, the ambassador has an unconventional plan: classify him as a package and send him through the local mail. John thus finds himself being carried by the Dilbian postman Hill Bluffer on a trip to confront the Terror.

I was a little nervous about this book at first. The pun in the title, the goofy premise of sending John as mail, the Dilbian habit of referring to people by awkward nicknames (for instance, calling John “the Half-Pint Posted” and the abducted sociologist “Greasy Face”)… that made me think it was trying to be a comedy, and it certainly wasn’t succeeding on that score. Fortunately, things improved as the tone became more dramatic – first the Hemnoid ambassador trying to sabotage the mission by making attempts to have John killed en route gave matters some gravity, then John’s actual fight with Streamside Terror was a suitably powerful climax. In the end, I came away from this book with a positive impression of it.

Spacial Delivery made for a fun read.

Final Rating: 3/5